Sunday, November 20, 2011

Quickly, Before Nap Time is Over

I have a few things to say that have been floating around my mind these past few days. But you know how it is with nap time, right? Once it's over, there's no more time to blog. Especially if your spouse is working until 10pm. So here we go, a quick, numbered post.

1. Jarod headed west for a couple of days this week, and it struck me anew just how fragile Zinashi's attachment continues to be. I have said from the beginning that because she was with her Ethiopian family for three years before losing everyone and everything, it will take at least that long for us to prove to her that things will turn out differently this time. What I never admitted was that in my heart of hearts, I quietly wished that wouldn't be true, that she would somehow miraculously attach to us in a way that would leave little doubt about her future in our family. But that hasn't happened, of course, and my heart ached in a whole new way to see her struggle during Jarod's short absence. I guess you could say that the magnitude of her grief found a home in my own heart, and I hope that no matter how much fake laughing she does for our entertainment, I won't soon forget the weight of it. She still needs to be treated tenderly and with extra grace, and I have lately found myself feeling exasperated as opposed to merciful.

2. I had a few moments thinking of our next daughter during the late nights I sat up alone watching Felicity thinking and praying and waiting. It all seems so daunting right now, and I feel a little bit lost and confused. I can't tell you everything that has happened or that I now know, but I can tell you that there's a date that means something to me, and maybe that is what is confusing me the most. I feel like if clarity comes, it will come in the form of this date, and if you think that's silly, then you might be right, or you might be terribly wrong. I'll keep you posted.

3. I am really hoping to be out of this current limbo soon. We've got to make it through this week at least before we know. The time will fly, but it never feels fast when I'm in the middle of this sort of thing. I think the only thing that will pull me through is doing what I can do to move ahead in other ways. This is why I've got to wrap this up right this minute. I need to change out of church clothes so I can go sort photo albums and Christmas decor in our gross basement once Zinashi wakes. Cobwebs galore and possibly a dried snake carcass or two, here I come!

1 comment:

  1. Hearing you and holding you in my thoughts in this place of waiting ... and of soberly holding the weight of Zinashi's grief in your heart. Tough stuff. You are "tough stuff," too. May you be given extra grace, patience and fortitude in these days!

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