In an hour and a half, I'll check the final vote tally for this month's Give It Forward payment and make our donation to the chosen charity. If you are still awake, you've still got time to vote. If you're reading this on Monday morning, don't worry; there will be another loan payment in February.
I've had Baby Barbecue* on my mind lately, particularly as I've put together Zinashi's room. She knows that when her sister comes, we'll have to fit the baby in there somewhere. When you see the photos later this week, you'll probably wonder just where I plan to put a baby (and a baby's stuff), but don't worry: I have a plan! And that's about all I have a plan for. As much as I wanted to get things rolling to get our home study done as soon as we hit town, we've simply been unable to. There are other things that must come first. Surprisingly enough, I am okay with that. And when I'm not okay with that, I remind myself of each and every instance in which things turned out just the way I wanted them to, regardless of how much I worried or didn't worry about the process of getting there.
This next baby will come in her own time, in her own way, just as she's meant to. No one needs to freak out or feel like they're behind schedule, because that's not true. There is no schedule except the one that puts us in the right place at the right time for the right baby for our family. There is a girl out there we're meant to say yes to, and I know that. If we proceed as if we are on our way to her (and not as if we are crazed lunatics with control issues, ahem), then we will get to the place where she is.
So for now I am getting our house in order, one room at a time. When it gets hard, or the task I have ahead of me seems intolerable, I think, "This one's for Baby Barbecue, wherever she is." And then I do it and only complain a little bit, in the small corner of my mind that is spoiled rotten. The rest of me is smiling, I promise.
*Zinashi announced to me one day that her baby sister was crying in Ethiopia, and that the baby's name was Barbecue. I now cannot think of the baby without thinking of her as Baby Barbecue. So Baby Barbecue she is. Perhaps we should forego the name we've chosen and name her something that means smoky and spicy?