I woke up this morning feeling much better than I have in weeks. One night of solid rest will do that for you, I suppose. I tidied up our place as much as I could while Jarod put together IKEA items and Zinashi did...erm...something...with my mom. 2012 felt good.
And then I did two loads of pee laundry.
But 2012 still looked pretty good. I stayed in my pajamas for entirely too long and by evening was dressed and putting together dinner for my family in my new kitchen. I'd say "cooking dinner," but I don't think that wrapping a rotisserie chicken in foil to reheat it in the oven and tossing some frozen vegetables and butter in a pan really counts as cooking. Still, it was one small thing that made our new life feel a little less like camping out and more like we might actually live here. We are in what I call Make It Work Mode, and will be for the foreseeable future, but every small thing that we do like we would like to continue doing it is a step towards normal life.
My mom came out with us to wrangle Zinashi while Jarod and I get some things done this first week. This doesn't mean that we get out of the time ins and the whining and the pee laundry (see mention of the same above), but it does mean that Zinashi gets to do some fun things while we do things that would be far more challenging with her in tow, not to mention no fun at all for her. I would call her current state "dysregulated," and those of you who've lived what I'm talking about will know exactly why we'd pony up the frequent flyer miles to get a familiar face here so that Zinashi would not have to accompany us on our two-carts-full-plus-bed-selection trip to IKEA. I already felt like I was having an out of body experience due to the force of my lingering cold; it would have been nightmarish for Jarod and all other IKEA shoppers if I'd been half in charge of corralling a small girl who is anxious and wants only to play kitchen in the showrooms. Instead of that scenario, we got the shopping day to ourselves, and Zinashi got to play on the beach. Win-win. Thank you, Mom.
Yesterday as we drove south and the bay stretched out in front of us all of a sudden, I was struck by the renewed sense that living in San Francisco makes my heart happy. As much as it is a major life adjustment and a lot of work to get settled here, we are making so many dreams come true just by being here. I know from living here before how much good this city does for me; I hope my little family finds the same to be true for them. If that is indeed the case, 2012 will be a very good year.
As I look forward at what we need to do this year, I know that there will be a lot of hard work, and we will walk through things that will challenge us and grow us and make us better in the long run, but uncomfortable for the short term. I felt that 2011 was the year of the holding pattern, and 2012 looks to me like the year of digging in and pressing forward, both at the same time. I know what a couple of our challenges will be already, and I should probably feel nervous about them, but I don't. I'm sure I will as the time to face them draws nearer, but for now I simply feel that grace has been on our side so far, and there's no reason to believe that will change. And then, of course, there are the very good things that will accompany the work we will do. We'll go to the beach a lot, for one. I think we can start just with that and know that 2012 is going to rock our socks off. And if I really want to rub it in for those of you still landlocked, I can add that this will be our evening view from our home at the end of each day.
But I don't want to do that, so just forget about it. Think instead of what good 2012 will do for you. I hope that what's on your horizon is more beautiful than our sunset view.