Saturday, April 7, 2012

A Song for Your Saturday

I have been listening to this song a lot lately. I wouldn't call it my theme song, but it's part of my current life soundtrack for sure, particularly when I'm doing the dishes. Something about the dishes lately has me feeling contemplative and sorrowful. What is it about sinking my arms into hot, soapy water that makes all the melancholy rise to the surface? I don't know. But I sure do love this song.

This time of our lives is traumaversary time for Zinashi. Some of you speak the language that includes that word, and you are walking through it, too. I am so grateful to all of you who are my community in this way, for simply making it clear that I am not alone.

Two years ago today, Zinashi was brought into care at an orphanage. They assigned her birthday as the day before her relinquishment. Her little heart remembers this day and knows it is an anniversary of something unspeakably difficult, even if her brain cannot comprehend it. So it's a confusing time for her, to say the least. Her emotions bubble to the surface in what would be normal moments. Little things become big, huge deals. She experiences anger and hurt and sadness for reasons that have little to do with whatever has upset her on the surface. I see my role in these times as a sponge for her unnamed grief. I pull her into my lap, and I soak it up, because I can handle it, because I want to take it from her and help her find peace.

So maybe, yeah, that's why I'm tearing up while I listen to this song and do the dishes. I've got to let it out, too.


  1. Ugh. I so ache for you. Actually- sorry I can't. I got enough ache going on here. But I can commiserate with you. Sorry darlin. It sucks. This too will pass, right? Right?!?!

    Drink. my only advice. And not wise advice, surely.

  2. It's hard, isn't it? Sometimes my son just becomes all tumultuous over "nothing", and then it is time to pull back from whatever we're doing, and cuddle in. How wonderful that you see that, and are there to help her.


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