We've spent a lot of time on our feet lately. I like to think that it's enough without being too much. It seems to be balancing out the effects of multiple chocolate bars and a string of potato-chip-and-sour-cream lunches, which is to say that despite disastrous nutritional choices, I can still button my jeans. That's probably not a good thing technically, but I'll accept it as a favor to me during a time in which I've got too much on my mind to feed myself properly. Heaven knows it's hard enough to put a decent dinner on the table for my family every night with my mind so divided between all my tasks. I will take all the help I can get, in whatever form it shows up.
Before Zinashi came home, I remember wondering just what we were walking into, if we were biting off more than we could chew. I had no doubt that we were supposed to say yes to her, but I still would sit there in the quiet afternoon and wonder what was in store, and it scared me a little. It is a big deal, going from being just two adults to being responsible for a little person, and in our case one who had been through a traumatic experience. Sometimes I feel that same way now, thinking of all we need to do for Elvie, and wondering just how we'll make it work. I've been having trouble getting to sleep, with some nameless worry picking at my tired mind. I'm pretty sure that's it, simply not knowing the fullness of our future challenges. But then I look back on our time with Zinashi, and I remember that we just did what we had to do. There was never any question of if we could or would do it. There was exhaustion and frustration, for sure, but there was also love for our daughter and commitment to being a family. We will have those same two things on our side this time. Knowing that, I'm pretty sure I can sleep.
Now if only I could have a similar realization that would cause me to set down the chip bag and pick up something with actual nutritional value, I'd be all set.