Monday, June 11, 2012

Because I'm Not Busy Enough

All the best opportunities seem to be heading my way right now, right as I'm, well a bit pressed for time.  But I couldn't resist the invite to study French on Duolingo, could I?  Clearly the answer is no.  Now I get an email every evening at five o'clock, reminding me that learning a language takes daily practice.  I leave that sucker at the top of my inbox until I do a few lessons because you know what?  I want to learn French.  I might be exhausted in the morning, but my mind will be expanded!

I know what you're thinking.  I've gone nuts.  You're right.  I mean, who is ten days out from bringing home a baby with special medical needs and can actually sleep at night?  Me.  Well, when I'm not studying French or watching Mad Men, that is.  It's weird, or at least weird compared to my experience with Zinashi's adoption.  But you know what?  I'll take it.

countdown to ethiopia, 10 days

I've not spoken a lot about our hopes for Zinashi on the trip.  We hope that she feels some measure of peace.  We hope she doesn't feel awkward not knowing much of the language.  We hope, as we hoped before we knew this baby was coming so soon, to reconnect with her Ethiopian family.  I don't know what to say about that.  That it might be hard?  That it might be awkward?  That none of that matters if it is best for Zinashi?  I think all three of those are appropriate.  Zinashi's memories of her time in Ethiopia are slipping away, and I don't want another two years to pass before some of them can be revived.  I don't want another two years to pass before we make good on a promise that we made when we met her family the first time.  So we will walk through this, because it matters.  And sometimes I am scared, but mostly I understand that she did the hardest part before, coming to a new place with new people, and the least we can do for her is surrender ourselves to complication and discomfort.  The least we can do for her family is this as well; none of this was their fault either.

And then, selfishly, it's for me, too.  To see the hands that held her when she was small.  To hug the necks of the people whose names she still remembers. I want that.  I want it with all my heart.


4 comments:

  1. I am so backlogged on all my email and reading after our vacation, but I just caught up on your Babble posts a couple of minutes ago, and then read this. It really is an incredible thing to see how far Miss Zinashi has come. And she is so beautiful (and looks so happy and confident here). So maybe I cried a little bit. (And maybe Jimmy did, too, but don't tell him I said that.) Hooray for you all - and hooray for Miss Elvie, too! We are so excited for you all.

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  2. I think it says so much that you want Zinashi to reestablish her Ethiopian roots even when it may be a little scary for you. It's a true testament to how much you love her that you are willing to put your concerns aside and follow her lead about what's best for her. I don't know if I could be quite that brave.

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  3. girlfriend, we have court June 26th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we need to talk! what day is your hearing? can we connect while in ET??

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  4. That is the sweetest picture of that gorgeous girl I have ever seen. :)

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