This photo of Elvie petting our OCD cat has nothing to do with anything in this post. If this photo had sound, it would be purring.
I have experienced some post adoption weight gain, and I wrote about it on the Babble Being Pregnant blog. I feel like this is something that I talk about with other adoptive moms, but that the world at large just doesn't get. I didn't grow a baby in my body, so why am I fatter? Do I have a problem?
Yes, I have lots of problems. But my post adoption weight gain isn't really one of them, at least not in and of itself.
What is a problem is that I've been struggling with not feeling my best. There are certain categories of food that I should avoid altogether if I want to feel good and have clear skin, and it's been tough to do that. In normal times, I have a cycle that goes: Eat really well-->Slowly slide into eating food that's inappropriate for me-->Understand it's getting to be a very uncomfortable problem-->Suddenly feel ready to eat really well again. And then I do, and the whole cycle starts all over again. The problem right now is that I feel less than my best much of the time, but I lack the energy to put into my mouth the things that keep me healthy.
So my clothes are a bit snug, which wouldn't mean anything of significance, except that clothes being snug, for me, means that I have been treating my body very poorly. It's not just about eating junk, it's about knowing that my body doesn't handle certain foods well and eating them anyway because they either taste good or are convenient or both. I feel like I am on the cusp of being ready to get back to eating well, but I am just so tired that I can't imagine what that would look like. Do I just buy a bunch of rotisserie chickens and spinach and eat that every night?
In all of this, I want to be very careful that I am not approaching dietary health primarily for the sake of weight loss. I don't want the behavior I model for my daughters to be concern over being a larger size. But I also don't want to model for them that it's fine to just go completely off the nutritional rails when life gets tough. And honestly, I don't want this to be a big deal. I want to note that it's a bloated, acne-filled issue, and then to do something about it. I'm just not sure how to make that work with our new normal. I will figure it out, but it's going to be rough sailing until I do. And that's okay. Because tomorrow I get to sleep in, and I might wake up well-rested and with solutions to spare.
Or I might just wake up well-rested, and that will be good enough in and of itself. I'd prefer if there were a choreographed dance number to accompany my Saturday joy, but I'll settle for a cup of coffee and a smiling baby. A good weekend is on the horizon. Enjoy it, internet friends.