Tuesday, September 25, 2012



It seems we've turned a corner with Zinashi, a big one. These past two days, her behavior has been better than it has ever been. Ever. And I'm certain I know why, but I'm not going to tell you many of the details because I think it would disrespect Zinashi to share too much.

I will tell you that I refreshed my knowledge of flight, fight, or freeze response indicators. (FAQ "How do you know it's a trauma response and not just normal development?" There's your answer.)

I will tell you that I got bold, and I did the therapeutic parenting equivalent of flipping the bird to everyone who ever told me that this is probably just normal developmental stuff, and I was over-reacting and projecting.

Fears were named.

Connections were made.

Conversations about big feelings continue to occur.

I am so proud of this little girl.


  1. That takes courage by both mama and Zinashi. So very happy for you.

  2. If there are any specific strategies or approaches you have found helpful, and are able to share without divulging too mucha about your particular situation, I would be delighted to hear them...I fully realize that any one approach or strategy will not necessarily work for everyone, but I seem to have trouble even getting to the "naming" and "connecting the dots" parts of things with our boys...it seemed so much easier for me when I worked in adolescent mental health for 11 years...now with my own kids, I feel stuck most of the time.

  3. Good for you Mama and Miss Z!!! We've "flipped the bird" quite often to a few people-mostly family members who think they know better over the last two years! In the end taking our time and using a theraputic approach always won out in the end!

  4. That's just so awesome - Great job Mama, and great for family and especially Zinashi!

  5. I am so happy for Zinashi, and for you all.

  6. You are such a good Mama.
    I watched a documentary about Chinese adoption years ago; the focus is always on the adults- mostly the new parents, who are beyond joyous. A little bit on the foster mamas, who are heartbroken. But I had to stop watching, because the terror and grief on the faces of the children was unbearable. I think it is cruel and so arrogant to believe that just because their current life is full of love and security that adopted children don't experience a fullness of grief and loss and trauma.

  7. Great news. Way to follow your gut.

  8. It's so tiring having people tell you "you worry to much it's normal toddler behaviour" Well those people don't spend the time we do with our kids and don't have our 'mama' instinct for our children.

    Good on ya!

  9. So happy to read this news. I do so love hope. Keep on keepin' on!

  10. Good for you! Comments from uninformed people about what is and isn't 'normal' are the single most annoying thing to me. It takes such focus and patience to really understand what our kids are doing and feeling, and those 'all kids do that' kind of comments are so undermining. They can easily sap the energy and attention our kids need. I'm cheering for you and Zinashi. Gobez mama!


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