I'm Pretending the Home Health Nurse Has Seen Way Worse Messes Than Mine

All day I kept reminding myself that we have only been home from the hospital for three days. I feel like I should have the house in better order, be caught up on opening the mail, have information for taxes somewhat compiled. When I woke up on Sunday and looked around, I realized that we were getting dangerously close to being chosen for a hoarding reality show. Things just kept getting stacked on top of other things the weeks Elvie was in the hospital, and we are just going to have to dig our way out. That's first on my list. I can't work on taxes if there's not a clear workspace and if I can't find all the appropriate documentation.

Despite my own inner turmoil over not being the kind of person that can keep a house in order while caring for a child at the hospital and coming home most evenings to put our other child to bed, things here are going well. Elvie is thriving at home. I knew she would, but there was a little voice at the back of my head that said, "What if you tell these surgeons that she'll be fine and at home and then you get there and she goes on hunger strike?" Well, she didn't, though she has come up with new and interesting ways to drive the point home that she is not interested in taking oral medications. I call the latest trick The Preemptive Vomit. It's actually not a very smart move, because A) Hello, baby, you just made yourself vomit, and that is pretty uncomfortable and B) I can get medicine into an empty stomach a whole lot easier than into a full one, so it's not even an effective strategy. Well, unless the strategy is to make me do a lot more laundry.

I still maintain that 2013 is the year to help Zinashi move forward. I feel like she's come so far already in this first month with so little additional effort on our part. We've done a couple of new things, and we continue to do what we have always done, making adjustments along the way, but most of the work that gets done is born of her willingness to do better. She is so proud of herself when she does the right thing. I am pretty much bursting with pride, too. She is such a big help to me, and so thoughtful and kind in her interactions with Elvie. I really couldn't ask for a better girl.

In the coming weeks, I'm hoping that we can sink back into a normal rhythm. I'm not sure how realistic this is, but I'm going to try. If I have to relay on copious amounts of coffee, I'll do it. But I'll probably also rely on the knowledge that my kids won't be little forever, and just accept that life is going to be messier than I'd like it to be for a little while. I think there's a balance there I can reach for, and I'm going to do my best to grasp it.