Just after PICC line placement. I'm sorry, baby.
I hate to be Debbie Downer tonight after such a good day yesterday, but I'm just going to come out and say that tonight I feel really sad for my baby. I thought that today we would have a restful day, but early in the afternoon, doctors came by to say that Elvie has an infection in the incision site, and she needs a fourteen day course of IV antibiotics. In order to make this work, a PICC line is somewhat necessary. To go home before the course of treatment is through, it's definitely necessary. In addition, it's getting harder and harder for them to find a vein for a normal IV. The huge downside of all this is that Elvie has had horrible experiences with PICC attempts in the past. Before today, she had a total of five attempts with no successes, and today it took three attempts before they finally got one in. It's there now, which is good, but I think it was really hard and horrible for her. After that, she lost her appetite, and she has seemed out of sorts ever since, aside from some brief moments when I handed her a toy Zinashi brought for her, and when Jarod and Zinashi showed up for dinnertime.
The upside to our day is that we did finally get moved to a bed near a window this evening. Our roommate was able to go home, so we just moved into his spot. So far no one else has needed the crib where Elvie was this past week, so we have the room to ourselves for the night, and that is fantastic.
So I'm about to curl up by my sweet, longsuffering baby and call it a night. I am hoping by morning that she will want to eat. I am hoping by morning that by some miracle she will have less pain, and I can figure out how to hold her. I am hoping that by morning things are really looking up. If that doesn't pan out, I'm going to have to pull out all the stops, and I think you know what I mean.
I'm going to have to sneak in our cat.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Phae does not travel well.
The upside to our day is that we did finally get moved to a bed near a window this evening. Our roommate was able to go home, so we just moved into his spot. So far no one else has needed the crib where Elvie was this past week, so we have the room to ourselves for the night, and that is fantastic.
So I'm about to curl up by my sweet, longsuffering baby and call it a night. I am hoping by morning that she will want to eat. I am hoping by morning that by some miracle she will have less pain, and I can figure out how to hold her. I am hoping that by morning things are really looking up. If that doesn't pan out, I'm going to have to pull out all the stops, and I think you know what I mean.
I'm going to have to sneak in our cat.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Phae does not travel well.
It IS sad. And it might always feel sad to think about these days. Of course as a mommy you want to make it all better and not let sadness near your baby, but it's impossible. The thing is - Elvie knows you and Jarod are right there to get her through the pain and the sadness and fear. It must be so emotionally overwhelming. I lost it when Yosi was hospitalized in Ethiopia, lost it completely. It would be kinda weird to be all sunshine and smiles when your baby has so many tubes and needles and all in the hospital. You are one super strong mommy.
ReplyDeleteLove love love and more love, as much as I have to spare and more. You'll get through this, you will have your sunny, happy baby back, and I can't wait to see that.
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Thinking of you both and sending you strength and peace. What a wrenching, painful (and helpless, I very much think) thing to witness, Mary, to your beloved baby. No need to keep things happy and light here -- as Barb said. This is not easy stuff -- on the heels of plenty of other not-easy stuff. And while there is deep, bubbling joy present as well, this is a hard marathon you're running. And have been running for some time, including the first days in Ethiopia when you feared for Elvie's life. And you guys are ALL running it with grace, from everything I can tell -- you, Jarod, Zinashi and Elvie. There is nothing more to be done but stand with Elvie, bear witness to her suffering and comfort her and be there for her and with her, as you are. You are doing it. And you are doing it well and consistently, day after day. On very little (and poor) sleep, to boot. My heart goes out to you, beautiful mama. I'm praying on your behalf to the God who sees you and sees Elvie (and the Man of Sorrows as well).
ReplyDeleteThank you for being willing to share this experience honestly. I hope this is a place of support and maintaining your care and sanity! Much love and many prayers!
ReplyDeletehi mary, you don't know me, but i came across your blog when we were considering adoption. i popped in now and then to read more about your efforts surrounding Z's attachment and to see how little E was doing. now i find myself checking everyday. E seems to have completely stolen my heart, if that is even possible through a blog site!! she is feisty and stunning, and i am so sad for all of you to be going through this. it will be good for Elvie in the end, so in all the darkness you are feeling and experiencing, just keep looking for that light. (i think i stole that line from Leonard Cohen?) sending you only good vibes and love and solidarity. xx christa
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