Monday, April 13, 2015

San Francisco to London: Moving Our Stuff

September 2014 3
Boxes upon boxes - the day our stuff arrived in London.

One of the biggest jobs related to our move was moving all our stuff, or rather, moving the stuff we decided to keep. After doing a little research, we determined that the best method for us would be to ship as much as possible by sea and bring anything we would need have on hand between shipment pick up and delivery with us in our luggage. We couldn't possibly afford to ship everything we owned, and it didn't make sense anyhow to keep furniture that wouldn't work well in our new place, so we had a lot of sorting to do before our move.

When sorting out what to keep, I asked two questions:

1. What is precious to us and/or makes our house feel like home?
2. What will it be cheaper to ship than to purchase new?

The things that fell into those two categories made the cut. Everything else was sold, given away, or disposed of. We shipped just two pieces of furniture - a wooden cabinet and an antique trunk, both of which are family heirlooms and have proved to be very practical. We also chose to keep most of the kids' toys and books, a good deal of art that hung on our walls, select knick knacks, and the curtains from the girls' room. I also kept the kitchen items that I use frequently and things we use for holidays and birthdays throughout the year. We brought the kids' bicycles, but not Jarod's and mine.

Once we knew what would be kept, we separated it into two categories:

1. Things we could do without for up to three months.
2. Things which we would use regularly, both immediately before and after the move.

The items in category 1 were shipped by sea, and the items in category 2 were brought with us in our luggage on the plane.

To ship by sea, I did an internet search and then contacted the company with the best reviews on Yelp. Bloom Interntional's quote was competitive with other companies who had their prices listed online, and they offered a range of services. We decided on a level of service in which our things would be packed by us and shipped door to door. You can get services to have everything packed for you, but we didn't need that. You can also pay less and deliver and collect your things from the port of departure and port of arrival, but that seemed a bit more complicated than we preferred it to be. So we agreed to terms of service with Bloom International and scheduled a pick up date. We packed everything into boxes ourselves aside from the chidren's bicycles, and the representatives showed up at our door and put everything on a truck, then prepared it for departure. Then we simply had to wait for it to make the trip and then receive it at our new home in London.

Shipping by sea is an affordable way to move large items, and it is especially advantageous to move heavy things this way. Cost is figured by volume, not weight, and is measured by cubic meter. We were really happy with the cost and the service. We were also satisfied with the amount of work we had to do ourselves. Aside from packing everything up, the only thing we had to do was to make detailed lists of what was included in the boxes so our things could clear customs. And that was it. We had the option to purchase insurance to protect our things, which we did, though nothing was damaged or lost in the moving process.

The one big inconvenience of shipping things by sea is the time frame. We had an estimate of when our things would arrive, but no definite date. We were given updates when our things reached the port and when they were going through the customs process. Then a date for delivery was scheduled, and it all arrived. Near the end, it got really hard to wait, but I would still do it the same way over again, knowing what I know now. It took fourteen weeks total to receive our things, which was a bit longer than the estimated time frame of ten to twelve weeks, but we had been warned in advance that it could take longer. It all depends on how much is being shipped into a port at any given time; the customs process and having ground transportation arranged in the UK are dependent on your place in line once your things arrive at port. Because we moved at a time when a lot of other people were moving, we had to wait a bit longer than is usual.

What really made a difference for us when it came to being patient until the bulk of our things arrived is that we had a good deal of stuff come with us on the plane. We ended up packing six large duffel bags and two medium suitcases with our things. We took frequently used kitchen items, clothing, select toys and books, our icons, and anything that we considered precious on the plane. All important paperwork and documents were packed into my carry on suitcase. It was a lot of luggage. On international flights now, it is standard for the baggage allowance for economy class to be one checked bag up to 50 pounds in weight and one carry on per person. We paid for an additional checked bag for each of us, and two of those bags were overweight, so we paid those fees as well.

It was a challenge to get it all to the airport and then to our new home, but it was easily worked out in the end. On the way to the airport in San Francisco, we had large Uber SUV take Jarod and the luggage, and friends took the girls and me in their car. On arrival in London, we were met by two drivers from a car service, and each driver was driving a mini van. One driver took most of the luggage in his vehicle, and the other driver took us and limited luggage in his. We arrived without incident at our new home, not exactly easy peasy, but easy enough. Seven weeks later, our many boxes arrived, and that was that. Move complete.

I'd mentioned earlier that I'd tell in one post how we got ourselves and our stuff moved in one post, but I'd like to write a bit about the visa application and approval process, so I'll save the details of that for another post, which you can expect next Monday. Then I'll have one more after that, detailing our pet move. I'm reserving that one for last since I want to be very detailed. If you've got further questions about how we managed moving our stuff (I'm certain I left out at least one important detail), please let me know in the comments, and I'll do my best to answer in a timely manner.

Monday, April 6, 2015

San Francisco to London: Finding Our Place

that time we got our furniture after six weeks of having none
Home is wherever you are comfortable.

Long before it  ever happened, before we wanted it to happen because we understood it would be better for our kids and for our family as a whole, Jarod and I dreamed of moving to London. Over the years, I bookmarked a few things that might be handy if we ever made the move, but mostly I forgot about those. When we moved to San Francisco, we even considered putting down roots there. But at some point in early 2014, we discussed what we truly wanted, what we truly felt would be the very best option for our family, and we knew it was London. We'd just been there in the fall, and it felt so familiar and easy, a truly international city that would give us the opportunity to live among people from many cultures, and to travel more easily to many places we wanted to go, including Ethiopia. So we set our intention and pointed our feet in that direction. And pretty soon, Jarod was interviewing for the job he now has, and I was dusting off that bookmark folder and figuring out which links would be useful to us.

The first thing we needed to figure out was where we would live, and how we would find that place. There are a lot of options. You can go ahead of time and search. You can show up and get a short let and search until you find the right place, while already living there. And you can do either option on your own or with the help of a relocation company. I'll cut to the chase and tell you what you may already know if you've been reading here for awhile: I went a month ahead of time to London to find a place, and I searched with the help of an excellent relocation company that specializes in helping those moving from abroad to find a place.

The reasons we had for choosing our route are pretty simple ones: kids and cats. If we had taken a short let, the cleaning fee would have been astronomical because of the pets. If we chose a pet friendly private rental, the fees for the actual stay would be higher. It basically worked out to be about the same cost for me to go ahead of time and search as it would have been to get a short let. We wanted stability for our kids, so it also made sense from that standpoint to have housing in order prior to the move. We then needed the help of a relocation company to find a place that was pet friendly and in the kind of neighborhood we wanted to live in.

Given that I couldn't spend much time away from home looking and we weren't 100% certain which neighborhoods might fit our needs, we chose to use London Relocation Services. The benefit to using them as opposed to another service is that they are a full service company - they really do everything (and no, they're not paying me to say that, as they are not even aware I am writing about them) - and they work fast. If we'd had more time to look, I might have chosen a service that didn't offer everything they do (we are on a budget, after all), but we were on a schedule and had three cats, so keeping the budget in check by skimping on this aspect of the move really wouldn't have been wise.

Before I traveled to London, Jarod and I gave the agents at London Relocation Services information on what kind of place we wanted, our price range, and our desires for the neighborhood, including the length of Jarod's commute. We had these preferences in mind before speaking with them, but the questions they asked were so thorough that even if we hadn't had these things in mind, we would have figured it out with their help. On the phone before my trip to secure housing, I was asked what I wanted in my dream house. I wanted a house that was all ours, with our own yard. Zinashi wanted stairs and a fancy bed. I hoped for high ceilings and good light. We got all of that.

The way the process worked for us was that I flew into London, spent a day getting my bearings (it really won't do to search for a home while nodding off due to jet lag), then spent a day looking at about a dozen properties (maybe more?) that fit our needs. A driver took me to each place, and an agent went along with me to help me meet the letting agents and to help me with the process as a whole. At the end of the day, I told the agent which three properties I liked best, and process continued from there. I was in London for a couple more days after the search day, but there really wasn't anything else for me to do (aside from eat banoffee pie and buy cereal bowls on sale at Cath Kidston, that is). London Relocation Services was handling the remainder of the process. I went home to finish packing up and take a trip to the Midwest, and the negotiation process for cost of rent and when the lease would start were done by London Relocation Services and approved by Jarod and me over the phone. It took a bit longer to get through that part of the process than we anticipated, but the lease was secured without incident, and Jarod and I signed it and returned it digitally in advance of our departure from San Francisco.

In the end, we got the house that we wanted the most of all three that I liked. I'm sure we would have been happy in any of the houses, but the house we are living in is truly the best fit for us, and we love living here. We love that our neighborhood is incredibly diverse (depending on who you ask, it's either the most diverse in London or the second most diverse), that Jarod's commute is manageable, that the girls and I can get on the Tube and get most places we want to go with either no changes or just one. The house itself is just right for us. It's got high ceilings and good light, and the kitchen is small but laid out perfectly. We've got a little garden out back with its own seating area that is just right to make into an Ethiopian style buna bet. There are even strawberry plants in the garden - the one big thing that Zinashi bemoaned having to leave behind in her garden in San Francisco. It's like this place was made for us.

If I had to do it over again, I would do it just the same. London Relocation Services really did their homework for us, and the process was so much simpler than it would be if I'd tried to figure it out myself. They also have a settling in service, so when our cats arrived before us due to our visa delay, there was someone to meet them at the new place, get them settled, and look in on them until we got here. The cost of their services is not cheap, but it is what I would call reasonable given what you get for the cost. It was more than worth it to us, and I recommend them without hesitation. It took a lot of stress and pressure off of us to have their help, and I am so grateful that somewhere along the way, when we were just dreaming, I bookmarked their website.

Next Monday I'll be telling about the process of getting ourselves and our stuff from San Francisco to London, and the following Monday I'll tackle the pet moving process. If there's anything else you'd like to know about our moving process, feel free to let me know in the comments, and I'll be happy to give more information.

PS - I know this seems like an ad for London Relocation Services. I want to clarify that they do not know that I am writing this and that I am in no way compensated for writing about our experience. We were just really pleased with the service they offered and how well everything turned out, and I want to give credit where credit is due.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Feels Like Home

elvie at kensington

So the girls and I up and went to the United States for ten days. We intended to go in late April or early May, but the plane tickets were much cheaper for early-to-mid March (and in fact we couldn't have afforded the later ones), so off we went. Between booking the tickets and leaving, we had three weeks, which seems like it should be plenty of time to prepare, but there was a lot more to do than to just pack and fly, so three weeks was about as close as we could cut it. But we made it, and we accomplished our objectives*, and it was good.

Then we brought my mom back with us for ten days, for her first trip to London and even outside the United States. We showed her a lot of our favorite sights and introduced her to both Pret a Manger and Shake Shack (very important, obviously). She left on Monday, and we've been getting back into our usual groove since then.

One thing that struck me as we traveled to and from where we used to be from is how much London has become home to us. We have made a life here, a normal, everyday life. The little differences that were so hard in the beginning are now just how we do things. I missed those little things - the food we are used to buying now, the way we get around the city, how our street looks and the way our neighborhood feels, the way we can hop on the Tube and spend an afternoon at a palace anytime we like. This is all part of our normal, all part of what means home.

So I've started writing a few posts (which I meant to write before I fell off the face of the blogging planet) about the practicalities of our move. I've got one about finding our place, one about getting ourselves and our stuff here, and one about moving pets. If you'd like to know other details, please let me know.  Like I've said before, reading other bloggers' posts about moving from the US to the UK helped me immensely when planning our move, and I am keen to pass on that favor to others who may be making a similar move. Expect the first post on Monday, and then I'll continue every Monday after that until I've covered the three topics I've mentioned, plus any others that are requested.

Back to blogging. Here I go.

*My grannie, who is nearly 92, has been having various health issues, and it is uncertain how long she'll still be able to live in her own home. I wanted both girls to be able to spend time with her there before that was no longer a possibility. Also, my dear friend who I refer to as Old Lady Mary is nearly 95 and having a lot of difficulties. Frankly, I really don't know how long she'll make it. I hope we see her again, but if we do not, I know that we were able to hug her and tell her how much we love her in person.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Long Silences

my girl and me

Since our big move, I've not been blogging as much as I used to. Part of this has to do with the amount of work it takes to move into a new space, in a whole new country, and part of it is due to simply being out of the habit. There is so much that I'd like to say that sometimes it's hard to pick one thing. And sometimes, when I do pick one thing, it opens a whole can of detail worms that I can't seem to organize or sum up neatly. I start to feel like I'm writing a research paper, because that's the amount of work that goes into it. It's not that this kind of writing isn't worth my time, but I seldom have enough time at a stretch to delve into it the way I want to. So I've been plugging away on some things, but otherwise largely silent.

There's also the matter of Zinashi getting older and her needs changing. As things get more specific, I find I don't want to share. It's too personal. At one time, the things that were occurring in our house were incredibly common in the houses of families who were raising kids with similar histories. There was some safety in that, and there was an element of being able to help others as well, to be able to say, "What you are going through, we are going through it, too. We are digging in to help our kids, and here is how we are doing it, and here is why it is expected and even normal given the circumstances." It felt incredibly important (and I still believe it is) to name trauma as the cause and to implore others to recognize the struggles our kids were facing, and to be a help to them.

There is so much new and exciting research now about trauma. I mean, some of it is depressing - it's never joyful to find out that the brain is negatively affected in more ways than I knew - but I feel that overall, there's a lot of hope for my kids and for other kids who have lived through trauma at a time when their brains were supposed to be plugging away, developing and growing and learning, and all those things that brains do in typical childhood situations. Researchers are learning things that can help kids heal, things they never thought to look at before, especially in terms of how those things would affect children differently than the ways that they affect adults. That the DSM V has a separate list of symptoms for PTSD in children of preschool age is beyond noteworthy, in my opinion.

At the same time, there are a lot of people who still don't know about the effects of developmental trauma, let alone how to approach a child who is suffering from it. Even many therapists are not well versed in this new research. The word is getting out, but not everyone is hearing it yet. I hope there is still a place for me to help spread the word. I feel more and more that I'd like to do that in person, but I know that right now, the platform I have is this blog. And so I am struggling to figure out how to offer a little childhood trauma education without revealing too many details about my own family life and without writing a research paper instead of a blog post.

I hope you'll bear with me while I figure this out. I think it's important to share. I want to keep sharing. I've just got to find the balance. I'll do it. It just might take time. But you're used to that by now, aren't you? If you're still sticking around after all this time, I'm pretty sure you are.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Three! Years! Old!

If there's chocolate, it's a party. Is she right, or is she right?

Today, Elvie turned three years old. I can't believe she's already three. I can't believe how far she's come in just three years. Her day was full of chocolate and cheering and singing and telling anyone and everyone she saw that it was her birthday. We will have a party later, but today's small celebrations were just perfect. Three years old. Wow.

Happy Birthday, Elvie! We're all so lucky you were born into this world.

Friday, February 6, 2015

A Little Elvie Update: Doing Just Fine

elvie 1

Life with Elvie is pretty normal, as far as life with Elvie goes, anyway. She is exuberant and messy and demanding and altogether charming. For Elvie, everything is BIG. Big charm, big friendliness, big messiness, big helpfulness, big anger, big personality. It's not a dull life, but it's our normal, and I'm so glad to have it after two years of not-very-normal childhood. These days, no one would guess that she has had multiple medical interventions. I like it that way. It's really nice.

elvie 2

But still, she does need follow up care for some things, and we've been working on getting her medical care set up since we got here last July. I feel like we finally have everything in place to get whatever she needs, whenever she needs it. On Elvie's team, we now have a very good GP, a health visitor, and a specialist she'll see annually just to keep on eye on things. If she needs other specialists in the future, we've got good connections to make that happen. It took a little while, but we're all set.

elvie 3

Now we just live life, and start getting things set for the fun parts of Elvie's life in our new city. Up next: her third birthday, and the birthday party to go with it. 

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Notes on Homeschooling: Finding Our Way

home education has no uniform
A happy student, that's what I'm after.

The benefits of our move to London have been many. Especially for the long term, I feel that we are in a good spot to meet our goals and to have the kind of family life that we want to have. But there have been short term benefits as well, the best of which has been the opportunity to take a look at how we were managing our family life before the move and make intentional adjustments as we make a life here. I really want our home to be a place of peace, and to pursue a peaceful life overall, whether we are at home or not. For us, homeschooling is one piece of the puzzle, and I'll admit that some of our homeschool practices in years past have not contributed to the end goal of peace.

It takes time for all homeschool families to figure out what works for them, and it was a gift to me as the primary educator to have some months to observe my children in our new setting, without a lot of outside obligations or any firm plans. I also had time to reflect on our previous homeschool year, and to admit some things to myself that I hadn't been able to be honest about before, as well as make adjustments that I just couldn't see needed to be made until I took a step back. Moving to a place where we know very few people allowed me time to reflect without distraction, and it has been enlightening.

First of all, I realized that we were doing too many extracurriculars in too many different places. I felt run ragged in San Francisco, like I was always rushing Zinashi through something so we could get out the door, be on time, not miss out on anything. What we missed out on, it turns out, was the peace I wanted to create. As we settled in here, and I saw how much more relaxed the kids were, and how much easier it was for Zinashi to pay attention to her lessons and to engage with me in discussions, I knew that I wanted to limit the extracurriculars, and I knew that I wanted to wait until after the holidays to begin them.

Three Saturdays ago, Zinashi began performing arts classes. She does three classes all in one place, all in a row. There's the option to add two more classes as she becomes accustomed to the new place and the new Saturday schedule, and that will mean that all her extracurriculars are in one place, on one day. It's a dream come true. She is making friends and learning to hold her own in a group, learning to listen to a variety of other adults who are not me, and doing it in an environment that is supportive and positive. It's a win in every single possible way.

I've also made adjustments to how we approach the curriculum we are using. I've mentioned before that we are using the Charlotte Mason curriculum available on Ambleside Online, and I've also mentioned that instead of following their schedule, which divides the books up into one chapter of each per week, we are going through the books at a rate of a chapter per day, starting our next text when we are done with the one we are using. I've also decided to eliminate some of the books entirely; I want to do just two readings per day, and we are on a four day per week bookwork schedule. Zinashi learns best by doing a lot of questioning and discussing, and more than two readings per day really doesn't leave time to delve deeper into the things she wants to know.

We've also laid formal narration aside, after I discovered that she wouldn't engage as well with the story if she new she had to narrate afterwards. It always felt stiff and forced, and it kept us from the very productive discussions we were having at the end of each reading. The magic of this has been that, now that she is not required to tell the stories back to me right away, she engages so well and gets so excited about the text that she will tell Jarod about the stories after he gets home. She is doing narration, and she doesn't even know it. She just wants to share the story.

I've found similar things are true when it comes to nature study. I bought nature journals for both of us, and we took our nature guide to the park and read about squirrels, and then we got out our colored pencils, and...I never got to use mine, because I was minding Elvie, and Zinashi ended up crying because she couldn't draw a squirrel that was sufficiently realistic. But if we study animals at home, and look at tons of photos on the internet, later I will find her with a pencil and paper, drawing an animal we've studied. Absent the pressure of the Official Nature Journal and the very present, completely real animals, she is doing it on her own, and liking it, too.

The one thing I've kept that she isn't thrilled about is copywork. She copies one paragraph from each of the texts we're using during the week (four total - the two we are going through chapter by chapter, and two that are reference type books, and thus practical for reading just once per week), and she must complete it by the end of the week. I was wondering if this would truly produce the results I was hoping for - that she would be learning punctuation and spelling, and that she would start to recognize words as she was writing them, even if they were hard. This week she piped up, "Oh! I know this word that I am writing, and it is a hard one!" Success!

We are finding that same success in math as well. As much as I'd like to return to our Life of Fred books exclusively, we've found that Khan Academy works for Zinashi. She is building skills and is able to do a lot of it on her own. We would butt heads a lot over math when I was doing much of the teaching, and now she just needs a little help from me sometimes. I'm keenly aware of the homeschool math gap, and I want to make sure that she is getting quality math instruction, however we need to get it. Right now, we get it from Sal Khan.

Finally, there's the exciting part, the part where home education frees us up to explore more. There are so many things we can see or do that relate directly to our curriculum. We are reading Robin Hood and will go to Sherwood Forest in the spring. From a history standpoint, there's really no better place to see artifacts than the British Museum. We can do so much, and see so much, and really help what Zinashi is learning to come alive. We have time for this, and we don't have to rush to do it or cram it in. It's pretty much amazing. It makes me overjoyed to be a homeschooling family.

And the joy comes from the whole homeschooling package, really. When I sit across the breakfast table from Zinashi and start our readings with my coffee within reach and the morning sun streaming through the windows, I know that we're living the good life. When I see how rich and full her relationship with Elvie is becoming, I know we've been handed a good gift. It's been a tough couple of years, figuring out how to make homeschool work for us, and shedding the insecurities that others have tried to foist upon us, but now it is good. We are finding our way, and our way has brought peace.
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