It seems that all my good intentions of coming back here and sharing things have fallen by the wayside. I've spent a lot of time considering why that is, and mostly it has to do with the focus of our family life now, and my focus as the at home parent. This spring, I read a book that helped me distill just what it is that I do, what my aim is. The book is written for people who are figuring out what to do in the workplace, and at first I thought that it might not have much to offer me, since I don't have a workplace outside our family and home. But my job is still a job, work that I do for what I hope is the betterment of our family, extending out to our community and the wider world.
The biggest thing I realized as I reflected on the lessons in the book was that I lacked focus and direction, that "doing the best I can for my children" is not focus or direction. So I came up with two words that are the goals for all that I do in my work: peace and stability. If it something does not contribute to those goals, then I don't do it. Writing this blog, it turns out, contributes to neither of those goals anymore. It did once, but now it is the opposite. Recognizing that, I made the decision to stop writing here. It felt a little strange at first, but now it just feels right.
I am not going to shut the blog down altogether. The things I have written here are things that I wanted to share, and some are things that Zinashi felt strongly that others should know. In telling our family story, we have gained support, empathy, and friendship. I cannot tell you how much that has meant to us, and how much I hope that our story has been able to offer something good to you, too. This blog will exist as a time capsule of sorts, a chronicle of the time when everything was hard but still good, one volume in the boxed set of tales of our family life.
There were many things I wanted to write about that I never managed to type out in a coherent or cohesive way, and I hope that no one will be too disappointed that I didn't get to it. There are many people now who are writing about trauma, about homeschooling, about all the things I wanted to say. Should you need to be directed to someone else's writing on a subject I'd mentioned I'd cover, but didn't, please don't hesitate to ask me via comment or email to send you the appropriate links. During the months I wasn't writing about those things, I did manage to save links for things that would apply to each topic. I am more than happy to share.
September 27 marks five years since the day I became a mother, when a small girl with big eyes and a persistent spirit walked into my arms and changed my life forever. Five years that were the longest and shortest of my life, the toughest and the most full of joy. Two kids and a whole country later, and we are moving forward. There is different work to be done. I think it is the right time to wrap things up. Zinashi has always enjoyed the videos I've made to mark each year of her life with us, and I think it is fitting that I end with that. If I manage to write nothing else between now and then, you can at least expect that.
I am not done writing. I have always been a writer, and I will keep going. I am working on another project already, that I hope will be just as satisfying as writing here has been. Should you wish to follow along, I'll be happy to give you those details. Just let me know. For now, thank you. Thank you for reading our story, for giving to us when we were in need, for cheering on both of my children, for being so ridiculously supportive and kind. It's been pretty amazing, writing here. I am grateful for this space. I am grateful for you. Thank you.